The Girl Who Listens

As far back as my memory goes, I’ve always been ‘The Girl Who Listens’.

I was a silent child, too much into books and puzzles to stop and learn some valuable practical lessons regarding the ‘world’ (which, back then simply meant ‘school’). I was nice and sweet, and never got in anyone’s way, so I made friends easily. I was the girl people told their secrets to.

At 15, I suddenly grew up from a sweet, quiet kid to a girl who had discovered that she could think. I began to actually talk to communicate stuff, and I liked it. I made new friends who liked me for the way I was, and I was happy. I was even friends with some boys from my class!

One day, this cute guy started a conversation with me outside our class. We were both favorites of our Math professor (yes, I was a nerd!) and we spoke a little of this, a little of that. Soon the conversations turned to late night chats. He was bright, intelligent, and the more I thought about it, he was just the kind of guy I would love to like.

And then he finally mustered up his courage, and told me… that he’d been crushing on my best friend for weeks, and could I please find out if she liked him too? I was the girl who the guys approached, to tell me about their crush on one of my girlfriends.

It turned out, she did like him, only to break his heart soon after. And once again, still uncomplaining, I gave him my ear, and also my heart. It did not take him long to notice my tear-stained shoulder and to catch my unbroken heart. And as all teenage loves go, many painful years later, I realized only too late how much of a rebound I was for him.

I’ve now successfully ended things with him – and emerged with my head above the water. I’m older and wiser in experience. I’ve even been approached by guys for myself, to ask me out. I’ve had relationships that did not begin with a shoulder to cry on.

Just yesterday a close friend confided in me that she wants to break up with her boyfriend of many years. Soon after she ended things with him, I got a phone call from her boyfriend, asking me to talk to her and to try and convince her to give him another chance. I realize I’m still the girl who listens to everyone. But now I see it as a good thing. This tells me that I connect well with people. It makes me happy, knowing that my friends are comfortable with talking about their feelings with me, and that they know I’m here for them and that they can trust me.

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26 thoughts on “The Girl Who Listens”

  1. Ahhh I was much like that. However I’ve been the one guys have been interested in due to my tom boyish ways and my total guy-like mind since I never learned how to be a “girl”. I’ve always had issues getting girls to be my friends because I can’t ever associate with them unless it’s about private things.

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  2. Hey madhura.. You free for some time.. Wanna tell you something.. 😁😜 hahah
    But really what u wrote was true to every word.. Apart from being a good listener you connect too well.. Glad to have known you.. 😊☺️

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  3. You truly are that! And I love that of you!
    But you know very well who will be your ‘person who listens’ when u need them…
    🙂 😉

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  4. That’s awful to have your crush talk to you about a crush on your friend! (I’m sorry for the rebound heartbreak that followed, but am happy you’ve come through it, still open to connecting to others.)

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    1. I learnt a lot from it so I guess what happened was for the best! And yes, I’ve come out better and stronger 😀 🙂
      Thanks for commenting Janna!

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  5. It IS a good thing. I’ve already wanted to be “the girl who listens.” Though it does come with some drawbacks, you’re right, at the heart of it, you help people connect. You are a bridge-builder.

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  6. Ahh, my daughter is that way and right now, she is young to understand that it is a blessing in disguise. Though I have always been the one who is never good at listening, this is a piece about mindfulness. It is wonderful that this quality has helped you grow and understand yourself and others better.
    Lucid post, as always, Madhura!

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  7. I’m a listener too, I totally get that. That must have been such a heart wrencher when he asked about your friend!

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    1. Strangely enough, I don’t remember being tooooo gutted about it back then at least (i was shocked and sad, for sure) but the real heartbreak was to come later…
      But it’s all behind me now, and I love being able to look back and talk about all this now! 🙂

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  8. I have vivid memories of being in middle school and having the boy I liked ask me if I could help him date my best friend. It never feels good. But being the one who listens is amazing, because everyone needs someone who listens. As long as you have someone who will listen to you too.

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    1. Yea.. it’s not a good feeling… And yes, I have some amazing friends who are always there, whenever and in every way I need them, 🙂 Thanks for commenting, Gwen!

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  9. Girl, I completely relate to exactly what you’re talking about! I’ve been friend zoned so many times but on the other hand, it’s nice to know that people trust you enough to listen. I love how you take an awkward time in your life and turn it into a positive experience you can share with others.

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  10. Oh how I can relate! I always felt like everyone around me was participating in life and I was just there to hear about it and dole out rational advice. Now that I’ve grown into that quality, life is good 🙂 I’m glad you found your way.

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  11. I’ve never been in exactly your situation, but at work I make a real effort to be approachable to my workers. Many are not Canadian and often they need someone who can steer them towards services they need. Other times, they just need someone to listen when life gets especially hard.

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